The Comedy of Speeding

I may or may not have mentioned that over Memorial Day my 10 year run of no speeding tickets came to an end.  Yep, a Texas County Mountie (actually Fort Worth city cop) nailed me doing 77 in a 65.  The sad thing was that it wasn’t even in the car everyone expected.  Nope, it was our 03 Honda Accord and I wasn’t even in a hurry.

Of course this ticket certainly made up for the other times when I wasn’t caught (108 down the 121 auxiliary road while defending Mrs. M’s honor) so fair is fair.  Thanks to my spotless (and lucky) driving record I’m eligible to take a defense driving course and erase the ticket.  All the courses, online and off, seemed boring as hell until I got the post card from ComedyGuys.com.  They’re professional comedians who run the course.  It should at least be a little entertaining.

I can’t wait for Q & A – yes, I have a question …”why do small Japanese sports cars incite anger in the average Texan driving a large F150, which causes them to try and hit me?”  Answer – it’s not you or the car, it’s just hard to drive with your shoulders resting on your hamstrings.

Ahh, thank you sir.  Will this be on the test?

Driving to DC

I heard on the radio today that the US auto-execs are all driving to Washington for their meetings with Congress.  The fact they are driving is sad on two accounts.  First, these are CEOs of multi-billion dollar companies whose time is far more valuable than spending approximately 8 hours in a vehicle between Detroit and DC; and second – and the topic of this post – is the type of vehicle they chose to drive.  If you gotta drive to appease some leftist – do it in style.

Two out of the three chose hybrid SUVs and the third, GM, chose the mighty hybrid Malibu.  Don’t get me wrong, I like SUVs – they’re comfortable and fun to drive – but, frankly, what the hell were these guys thinking?  Why not fire up a V-8 Crossfire or the V-10 Camaro or a Bullitt Mustang instead of a …. wait for it … Malibu?

All three of them had a chance for a great PR move.  Screw gas mileage.  I’d want to be the CEO who squeals his breaks in front of the capital – jumps out just as the Illinois State Police sirens become audible. 

The first thing he says to the media as he’s running up the steps – “Detroit to DC, 6hrs 15 minutes.   You try doing that in a f#$king Prius.” 

That, would sell cars.

Start Bailing?

The Big 3 auto-execs are in Washington this week pining for money to save their organizations at the same time the head of the largest union, the UAW, has publicly said that their union have made enough concessions.  So, what should happen sports fans?

Without taking enough time to gather any external opinions since there is only one real free-market option, the answer is that the GM, Ford and private-equity-backed Chrysler should not be given any type of bailout money.  It will be throwing good money after bad and will do nothing to save the industry – it’ll merely nationalize it and cause those involved to suffer even longer. 

Earlier I railed for a bailout of the financial markets so why not support government intervention into the car markets?  Because, the bailout was originally designed to allow banks to feel secure enough to lend to one another and provide credit to small/large businesses so they can continue day-to-day business.  The unintended consequences of the approval of the bailout is the now growing line of companies, states and cities on Congress’s doorstep for more funny money.

The verdict is still out for the bank bailout, but I suspect things would have been worse had that government money not arrived to sooth the pythons who created this mess in the first place.  I do hope to see a turnover of leadership for most of the banks by the end of 2010 (not sooner as to create a crisis of leadership) but these guys need to go.

Back to our car bailout action, the US auto industry pays its employees more, takes longer to create cars and generally produces inferior cars to its Japanese and European rivals.  It doesn’t take an MBA to deduce that this is a business that will and should fail.  The fact all three have been propped up with cheap debt for this long will be a case study for most finance classes in years to come.

I love cars.  I love well designed; elegant; efficient; and damn fast cars.  With a notable exception of some of the muscle cars coming out like the Mustang and Camaro, Detroit automakers produce terrible looking, cheap cars that don’t hold a candle to their foreign competitors.  The last innovate US car company was Chrysler and the Germans turned that light off with mismanagement.

The saddest part is that this situation need not exist.  Holden, the Australian sub of for General Motors, makes awesome cars.  Good design, little to no plastic on the insides, and some models are super fast. 

GM, Ford and private-equity-backed Chrysler do not need a bailout.  They need tough love and a little time near bankruptcy and three turn-around artists with near God Rights [IT term for full control of the system] to walk the halls and start firing management who get in the way of innovation.  I would guess 50-60% of senior and mid-management could be pink-slipped with virtually no impact on company performance.

Their strategy – well – that’s harder but they’ll probably need to embrace the edges and leave the sinking middle ground to the foreign cars and go with a narrower line up – Ford – all trucks, and muscle cars; GM reduce their offerings; Chrysler – innovative small cars and vans, etc.  There’s some study here on strengths, competitors, etc but the exercise could be easily done.

Workers – Michigan and other rust belt states have plenty of un-employed workers so this negotiation should be pretty straight forward.  Union contracts need to disappear and more reasonable market based compensation needs to occur.  It’s basic economics that your average union rep refuses to provide to his/ her workers.  Profit sharing, bonuses for everyone, stock-options need to be the rule of the day with management becoming equal partners with workers.  Seem unrealistic – no job due to bankruptcy;  refined working conditions and a chance to take advantage of the upside.

No bailout.  No way.  Desperate business times call for innovative thinking; not a bailout from the feds.  The bailout just provides another year of pain for everyone and another year of foreign car companies gaining even more ground on the home team. 

Will this formula happen?  With a labor friendly congress and President?  I’ll start holding my breath … right … now.

Dashboard gadget lets drivers warn others about speed cameras | Mail Online

Every car in America needs one of these … and in Britain … and in Australia.  Frankly, anywhere I have a chance of driving …

 

Dashboard gadget lets drivers warn others about speed cameras | Mail Online