Posted July 19th, 2009 by almartine
I may or may not have mentioned that over Memorial Day my 10 year run of no speeding tickets came to an end. Yep, a Texas County Mountie (actually Fort Worth city cop) nailed me doing 77 in a 65. The sad thing was that it wasn’t even in the car everyone expected. Nope, it was our 03 Honda Accord and I wasn’t even in a hurry.
Of course this ticket certainly made up for the other times when I wasn’t caught (108 down the 121 auxiliary road while defending Mrs. M’s honor) so fair is fair. Thanks to my spotless (and lucky) driving record I’m eligible to take a defense driving course and erase the ticket. All the courses, online and off, seemed boring as hell until I got the post card from ComedyGuys.com. They’re professional comedians who run the course. It should at least be a little entertaining.
I can’t wait for Q & A – yes, I have a question …”why do small Japanese sports cars incite anger in the average Texan driving a large F150, which causes them to try and hit me?” Answer – it’s not you or the car, it’s just hard to drive with your shoulders resting on your hamstrings.
Ahh, thank you sir. Will this be on the test?
Posted July 11th, 2009 by almartine
PARIS – French tourists are the worst in the world, coming across as bad at foreign languages, tight-fisted and arrogant, according to a survey of 4,500 hotel owners across the world.
And my favorite statistic is that 90% of French people never leave the country. Americans who may travel a lot or are thinking about it – please memorize this statistic so when you’re having one of those mind numbing conversations with someone who is French – and trust me if you travel enough you will – about how Americans don’t travel, blah, blah, blah you can recite this survey.
But, you must be warned – there’s a good chance that the rebuttal will be something about a biased US media making things up.
French tourists ranked as world’s worst – Seasonal- msnbc.com
Posted July 6th, 2009 by almartine
Over the weekend, Mrs. M and I went furniture shopping. We need a new bed – well actually Karen and her husband Jeremy need someplace to sleep that isn’t the floor when they come in October- so we’ve used this as an opportunity to buy a new bed. My role in the entire process is to rubber stamp the purchase and try to avoid embarrassing Mrs. M publicly.
Alissa’s My biggest problem during the shopping experience is that often thoughts that are inside my head escape and since my hearing is suspect anyway these comments come out louder than intended. Normally, this happens when Alissa needs to buy or look for something at a clothing store. ’Oh shit, look at that’ will come flying out before I know what’s happening or ‘do people really buy this stuff?’ will slip out normally when looking at a shirt that some other nice lady seems interested in buying.
My new insight after Friday is that the people who make ugly-ass clothes also make ugly-ass furniture. Alissa has the camera with the photos but on Saturday we found the ugliest furniture in the world.
It is is Franken-Furniture.
Imagine the little spikes that come on the corners of a canopy bed mounted on the sides of the couch with rivets running along the sites. The entire thing was complimented with a leopard skin and sequin cover. Good gracious it was a sight. It was lovable because it was so bad. It was ‘ahh, give the little couch some money and let’s get the hell out of here bad.’
And that was just the first little section of the store. After that, the hits kept on coming. I have bruises from arm hits from Mrs. M thanks to the uncontrollable laughing and tears running down my face. ’Who the hell buys this stuff?’
She finally made us leave when I walked up to a little infant that was crying and went ‘I understand little fella – this furniture is pretty bad’ only to discover his parents were buying something.
Poor kid – he’ll probably poke an eye out on that damn couch.
